the travelling soldier

2009; like fireworks, splendid & shortlived.

2009-12-31T21:33:00.006+08:00

when i look into your eyes, the sky's a different blue

2009-11-22T23:33:00.001+08:00

www.thatstolensecret.wordpress.com

paperplanes

2009-10-13T20:24:00.005+08:00

I'm a fighter, not a quitter.

any possible similarity?

2009-09-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

Engaged Idealists are extroverted and helpful. Others find them to be very congenial and inspiring - especially as they are always willing to see the best in the other person. Their humour, their energy and their optimism attract other people. Engaged Idealists are very good at communicating and are good at convincing and firing on others. That is why it is a matter of course that they often take over the leading role in groups. This personality type often produces very charismatic persons.

Engaged Idealists have an unusually strong ability to empathise. They are tolerant and generous towards others; they sometimes tend to idealise their friends. They always try to suit everybody and want their relationships to be harmonious and satisfactory. To achieve this, they are prepared to invest a great deal and to put their requirements last. As Engaged Idealists are very considerate, there is the danger of them sacrificing and overexerting themselves for others. In their job, they therefore have to be very careful not to develop a burnout syndrome.

Engaged Idealists are reliable, well organised and love structuring complicated situations. They have difficulty accepting criticism; they quickly feel hurt and misunderstood. Their perfectionism also influences their love life - they look for the perfect relationship for life. Once they have made their decision, they are faithful, well-balanced and loving partners. However, should they get involved with the wrong person, it can happen that they allow themselves to be exploited for a long time before they end the relationship.

http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html

do you know where i hide?

2009-09-25T23:59:00.000+08:00

The Love Test

by Max Lucado

Have you ever made decisions about your relationships based on your feelings instead of the facts? When it comes to love, feelings rule the day. Emotions guide the ship. Goose bumps call the shots. But should they? Can feelings be trusted? Can a relationship feel right but be wrong?

Feelings can fool you. Yesterday I spoke with a teenage girl who is puzzled by the lack of feelings she has for a guy. Before they started dating, she was wild about him. The minute he showed interest in her, however, she lost interest.

I’m thinking also of a young mom. Being a parent isn’t as romantic as she anticipated. Diapers and midnight feedings aren’t any fun, and she’s feeling guilty because they aren’t. Am I low on love? she wonders.

How do you answer such questions? Ever wish you had a way to assess the quality of your affection? A DNA test for love? Paul offers us one: “Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6 NIV). In this verse lies a test for love.

Want to separate the fake from the factual, the counterfeit from the real thing? Want to know if what you feel is genuine love? Ask yourself this:

Do I encourage this person to do what is right? For true love “takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth” (1 Cor. 13:6 JB).

If you find yourself prompting evil in others, heed the alarm. This is not love. And if others prompt evil in you, be alert.

Here’s an example. A classic one. A young couple are on a date. His affection goes beyond her comfort zone. She resists. But he tries to persuade her with the oldest line in the book: “But I love you. I just want to be near you. If you loved me …”

That siren you hear? It’s the phony-love detector. This guy doesn’t love her. He may love having sex with her. He may love her body. He may love boasting to his buddies about his conquest. But he doesn’t love her. True love will never ask the “beloved” to do what he or she thinks is wrong.

Love doesn’t tear down the convictions of others. Quite the contrary.

“Love builds up” (1 Cor. 8:1).

“Whoever loves a brother or sister lives in the light and will not cause anyone to stumble” (1 John 2:10).

“You are sinning against Christ when you sin against other Christians by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong” (1 Cor. 8:12 NLT).

Do you want to know if your love for someone is true? If your friendship is genuine? Ask yourself: Do I influence this person to do what is right?

2009-09-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

WHY DID THE STUPID POSTMAN LOSE MY MAIL AGAIN. F.

red like a lobster

2009-09-23T23:06:00.003+08:00

i had plenty of fun today (:
the sun sand sea was all i needed to move away from everything that has been thrown towards me the past 3 weeks. thank you God.

ECP, you do bring back memories to me. the photog bbq and the cold cold beehoon by the beach with hello panda.

AND I HAVE A PINK DECK OF CARDS <3!
thanks for remembering.

Do you remember:

2009-09-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

"For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case,
too early to be whoever you want to be.
There's no time limit, stop whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.
We can make the best or the worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it.
And I hope you see things that startle you.
I hope you feel things you never felt before.
I hope you meet people with a different point of view.
I hope you live a life you're proud of.
If you find that you're not,
I hope you have the strength to start all over again. "

curious case of Benjamin button

2009-09-21T11:58:00.000+08:00

yes, you're a bitch.

2009-09-20T23:26:00.001+08:00

CHRISTMAS PLEASE:

http://www.balenciaga.com/uk/en/balenciaga/Women/Handbags/TopHandles/P-Giant-City-Lambskin-Palladium-plated.aspx?VariantPropertyName=VariantId&VariantPropertyValue=803168205(BAL-Cruise2008WomenMasterCatalog)

tchotchke

2009-09-20T23:02:00.004+08:00

because im stupid

2009-09-20T22:54:00.002+08:00

ERNEST, WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU. YOU CAN HAVE MY APPLE SINCE YOURS DIED. BUT IM SURPRISED YOURS DIED EARLIER THAN MINE. I WONDER WHAT YOU HAVE INSIDE.

she's kinda, similar

2009-09-19T00:33:00.002+08:00

im just feeling random, high from the chocolate and exhausted in a way.
whatever it is, it has got to do with the parting of my money for the dress and top plus all the happy talk today. nothing beats being able to be understood. thanks pal. really needed that.

and you know what,
seperate ways.

earth song

2009-09-16T21:06:00.001+08:00

Cinderella On Ice. Me never got to watch that. Hossan Leong's show after the exams anyone?

that stolen secret

2009-09-14T20:44:00.000+08:00

they say its the break up season.
-nods in agreement-

i learnt plenty of things in just one day. some not so much to academic but one way or another, you can always fit them together.

after prelims i shall:
ride the bike at east coast park
get up onto the flyer
shopping spreeeeee at ion, though i dont know with what cash
meet up mouse for satay
meet ernie for coffee/tea
meet my darlingness ccl finally
catch up with my motivator maybe for snowball again?!
bring mr koh for KOI and have udders
SENTOSA WITH TUTU KUEH AND PEEPS

i have from wednesday till say sunday?
haaaaa.

COME ON MADELYN. KICK ASS TML AND THE NEXT FEW DAYS TILL TUESDAY.
MADDY FTW!

我还是不懂

2009-09-10T21:22:00.004+08:00

伤口在痛，痛不过背叛的伤痛。泪水在流，多不过你给的冷漠。

曾伤过，好过没爱过，是我现在的感受。

boy

2009-09-10T17:43:00.000+08:00

Changed. Not for the better. You. Disappoint me. sigh.

Or maybe its just on the outside?

2009-09-10T10:49:00.000+08:00

haven had subway for quite some time. Much less have it alone. Haha. Starbucks anyone?

2009-09-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

Now I realize that you're no longer mine.
But I'm hoping that the pain will ease in time.
Although you're leaving, I won't say goodbye.
Because I know you're here with me inside.

2009-09-09T14:12:00.000+08:00

why is what was agreed upon so different from what it turned out to be? I dont understand.

愚蠢

2009-09-08T12:01:00.000+08:00

才刚说好不会再跌倒，现在马上就摔了一跤。真是傻。

2009-09-08T00:43:00.001+08:00

该是否学习如何接受摆在眼前的一切一切。

我无能为力。

shattered

2009-09-07T21:05:00.000+08:00

How many times can I break till I shatter?
Over the line can't define what I'm after

2009-09-06T00:31:00.001+08:00

算了，有些事永远都不会在我的掌握中。放下它吧。不同必再等下去了。

2009-09-05T23:47:00.002+08:00

mom said today, 这世上是有很多人爱你的。

I believe it included her. I love you too mom.
And i'll never forget the relief i saw on her face when i spoke to her just now. I cant bear to see her disappointed. I cant.
--

On a lighter note. I've got what i want done. On impulse. But its okay. I remember them saying i walk out a brand new madelyn. Which was what i really needed to hear :)

Dinner at clarke quay was nice plus a snowball as well. No doubt me dont take alcohol well and one cocktail is making me a little =s though i'm still perfectly alright. Once in awhile, its great to meet an old friend who has been through what you're going through :) i'll work hard!

明天会更好!
Someone sit the bungy with me!

pulse

2009-09-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

i miss running. I miss the torture of running 2 rounds warm up with the class. Esp yy who would be psychoing me to keep pushing on. Of course not forgetting the time i ran in front of the class so i wont fall behind. I miss the latic acid that gets into my calves and make them hurt so bad. I miss the adrenaline rush. But even if i run now, i know i cant sustain but so what. I just want to run. Or play a sport. I want to stop being so useless. And i will.

Walked a long way home after dropping so many stops earlier from 136 at kovan. If not for the heavy bag and stupid skirt, i would have ran. But it was quality time with myself. At least i had mr moon behind my back the entire time.

Mr chan says my phone is a monster and my oh my yes it is. I thought i was rather rude during the session today. I feel really bad now. But yea. I was agitated yes i was. Oh well. 靠自己。
Lean not upon anyone. I remembered this from the gp paper yesterday. It will stay etched in my head for sometime.

Sitting on the swinging chair that hangs from the roof at my balcony now. Its a starless cloudless and 'windless' night. But there still is mr moon and the occasional breeze. I like a quiet night like that. Its been awhile since i came up to the balcony. Many things changed. And many more will be too. I'm learning. To not rush into things. And being just who i want to be. Not who i need to be. I should stop giving myself away. As much as i wish to wallow in self pity and look pathetic, i figured i should stop being stupid. I hope its not too late to learn. Will you pretend i ever said nothing? Or was the awkwardness only because of my sensitivity? Talk to me.

I must have look horrendous when i fell asleep on the train. The guys were laughing at me saying that i slept with my mouth open. Oh my gawd. Help.

Being interested or being interesting? I haven quite figured that out yet. Soon.

And on the other hand. I want to do something impulsive. I know i'll regret but whatever. I cant care less.

Smile madelyn, for it had already happened. Things will only get better when you start loving yourself =) because no one will.

you're not sorry.

2009-09-03T20:56:00.002+08:00

仿佛像一场恶梦不断地在我脑海里重演。

你会有一天扔下我一个吗？

该往哪个方向走呢？独自一个人好还是再次学习如何相信身边的人不会再伤害我。我也不知道。虽然说祸是我创出来的但你可否有曾为我想过？

2009-09-02T21:51:00.002+08:00

to stand up on my own 2 feet again.

ice skating? sentosa? the airport? shopping sprees? a drink or 2? marina barrage? west mall? hahahahahahaha.

i dont know how much longer i can wait.

homecoming?

2009-08-31T00:06:00.002+08:00

徘了徊了走了錯了哭了痛了
累了倦了睏了煩了亂了冷了都是真的

2009-08-27T22:54:00.001+08:00

how can you believe something that says it is able bleeds for seven days straight and not die?

you can fly fly fly

2009-08-25T01:00:00.004+08:00

to choose life is to choose to forgive

Prom aint clashing with ycamp exactly this year. Should maddy take the effort to get a dress and do her hair for that few hours?
I shouldnt be thinking about all these now i know. Roar.

Jones is at outfield and he has sanctury duty while i sleep at 1am :( come back soon.

And i still haven found my study buddy for weekends. -sigh- anyone? Please.

I'm craving for noodles now. Maybe some home cook soup would be good too. A chicken stew cooked by my mr jones would be the best.

Third uncle is in icu now. Please pray for him. Sometimes when i think about it, i feel bad. He has had a divorce. Wife left him for some young chap that i call family ruiner. Son is not that accomplished as of yet though the other is in university now. Odd job ie no medical subsidies or anything. Most prob dad will pay for the fees.
And now, i just pray for the health and safety plus happiness of the ones i love. Its not too much to ask for i hope Lord.

Time for bed. Seems like my soldier wont be waking up in time to talk to me before i sleep. Its okay. I still love you to bits baby.

Go catch a listen of Get it together by Indie Arie before hitting the sack. Its a good tune with great lyrics. Dont worry. Its not another miley cyrus.

Exams? What exams?
-hits the red panic button-

2009-08-09T01:35:00.002+08:00

Up! Another cartoon movie that i cried so much while watching just like wall e. Thumbs up for the show though. Me love sweet stories that you will never hear about in reality.

Zara kids is teh awesome. (the way that sentence sounds reminds me of guin xD ) love their clothes and the best part is that i can fit! But me is unwilling to part with the money though. Except for the 11.90 dress! Man. The more i think about it the better i feel.

Anyways, i'm stuck at home feeling extremely grouchy now. Or how you even spell that word. Its because mich that **tch said she wanted to bring me to frolick but i'm still here, at 1plus am. Ugh. Me dont like this feeling. And its all because i've been wanting frozen yoghurt for a damn long time. Like weeks.

Craving for filet now and shaker fries real badly now. But yea. I'll make do with noodles. Really feel like binge eat again. Its been long. I think its cause i barely at anything today and i threw up whatever i ate. Which include four nuggets and a donut and some candy. Uncomfortable stomach is gone now so in comes the food!

Ugh. I still feel cranked up. But i remember i was feeling rather crazy on friday yesterday when i was singing national day songs pretty loudly and even shouting across the hall during ttoh's few mins of being in e limelight.

My noodles are done. Makan!

2009-08-05T23:05:00.003+08:00

this time what I want is you
there is no one else
who can take your place
this time you burn me with your eyes
you see past all the lies
you take it all away
I've seen it all
and it's never enough.

when a heart is broken, it is meant to be healed. it may not be complete once again or it may even be scarred. but the effort and love put to piece it back togther makes it beat again.

2009-07-26T20:46:00.001+08:00

We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words tonight.

the bee does quickly sting

2009-07-20T23:44:00.002+08:00

Won't you bring
All the flowers you
Find out in the garden

-

my head hurts and i am cursing myself to get H1N1 though chances are low since darren only went clubbing after i met him at baby's pool tourney. but then again, baby was suppose to go to the club as well. i suppose its a good thing he didnt go. haa.

and will the solar eclipse really bring about a mega tsunami like the one in 2004?
i just hope this time Singapore has a bigger part to play though i really dont mind packing all the aid donated like in 2004/5.

haaa.
Madelyn. You are such a Failure with a capital F.

F.

2009-07-14T20:35:00.000+08:00

high-flyer, high-flier Show phonetics
noun [C]
someone who has a lot of ability and a strong desire to be successful and is therefore expected to achieve a lot:

overachieve

–verb (used without object), -chieved, -chiev⋅ing.

1.	to perform, esp. academically, above the potential indicated by tests of one's mental ability or aptitude.

2.	to perform better or achieve more than expected, esp. by others.

Angel in disguise

2009-07-13T21:02:00.000+08:00

Take a look at the ordinary
Don't need to look for Paradise
You could be next to
an angel in disguise

Don't try to hide away from me
I know you're by my side

See you there! <3!

2009-07-10T23:21:00.001+08:00

Night Festival 2009
Location: Singapore Art Museum, National Museum of Singapore, Peranakan Museum, SMU Campus and The Substation
Date: 10 July to 11 July, 2009
Highlights: Theatre dance and music performances, Pyrotechnic Show

Mark the Night Festival event in your calendar on July 10 and 11. Before you ignore this notice, think again! The Night Festival is set only for one weekend this year and you certainly don’t want to miss this outdoor extravaganza of theatrical performances accompanied by live music and dance.

With the installation of stunning interactive lights and the opening performance of Bersama Hijau, you can expect an enchanting Night Festival with your family and friends from 7.30pm to 2am.

So, don’t be left out! Remember the Night Festival on July 10 and 11!

To know more about the Night Festival, visit http://www.nationalmuseum.sg/

2009-07-09T21:34:00.004+08:00

((((((:

-

thanks for picking me up from school today & lunch, mr jones! <3!

2009-07-08T22:15:00.001+08:00

now you and i know, we know nothing.

2009-07-08T20:08:00.000+08:00

You and I must make a pact
We must bring salvation back
Where there is love, Ill be there

Ill reach out my hand to you,
Ill have faith in all you do
Just call my name and Ill be there

Chorus:
And oh - Ill be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you
Im so glad that I found you
Ill be there with a love thats strong
Ill be your strength, Ill keep holding on
Yes I will, yes I will

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well thats all Im after
Whenever you need me, Ill be there
Ill be there to protect you
With an unselfish love I respect you
Just call my name and Ill be there

(Chorus)

If you should ever find someone new
I know hed better be good to you
cos if he doesnt, Ill be there

Dont you know, baby, yeah yeah
Ill be there, Ill be there, just call my name, Ill be there

(just look over your shoulders, honey - ooh)

Ill be there, Ill be there, whenever you need me, Ill be there

Dont you know, baby, yeah yeah
Ill be there, Ill be there, just call my name, Ill be there...
Category: Music

2009-07-06T23:39:00.001+08:00

shattered into a million pieces by me. Torn and ripped apart single handedly by me.

its the deep and dying breath of the love we're working on

2009-07-06T00:13:00.003+08:00

thanks for all the wellwishes, hugs, presents, surprises and everything that you guys could have given me during this entire week (=
so many names to mention and i really hope i dont miss out anyone!

the party was great even though it was a little awkward and short. next time we'll have it longer alright! had a great time meeting up with everybody that i missed after so long and im sorry if i didnt get to talk to each individual much! sorry =/
still, thanks a million all of you ((((:

the great gifts and the great hugs and balloons and smiles! (:

lunch at plaza sing with buddy and it was great seeing him after so long! and dinner with mr jones at the new mall where i almost died walking in the heels after such a long day (:
but yea, it was great dinner at the jap restaurant and i want to go back for it again! :D
and baby, thank you for the surprise that you worked so hard for on thursday =) it was really pleasant and i appreciate it all! :D

mr jones.sinli.rain.stanely godbro in aussie now.liying.minghan.ernest.june.gladys.esther.joan.chingkit.tianyu.belmond.
mr lee.sherilyn.mouse.desmond.arthur.yonghui.shujuan.pinglynn.
chekying.rueylin.chaoqin.gregory.jasmine.nicole wong.marcus.mathew.xinling.freddie.rachel teh.guosheng.nisa.yixiang.justin cheng.guanning.justin from ajps.victor.wilson.samuel ang.sebestian.joey.miner.mdm jamilah.cheryl.yanying.wenbin.choiling darling!.timothy.peiwen the cool.aunty jasmine.aunty kim.melissa.michelle.God...

sorry if i left out any names!
thanks everyone for making this 18th birthday a great one even though it was smacked right in the middle of the exams!

this is due long long time. but yea (:

2009-07-05T22:13:00.001+08:00

blue eyes

2009-06-24T22:10:00.003+08:00

*thinks of something intelligent to write*

Hmmm.
I have high possibility of catching the flu virus since mich just came back from a week holiday in thailand and mel is still on the plane back from thailand as well after going for five days? Hah. So entertaining. Oh come on. Let me get the virus, i promise i'll study hard when i'm quarantine okay please. And fyi, people age 65 are not infected with the virus whereas its targeted at us. People 15 to 26 odd. Interesting virus. Or maybe its just that old people are more immune or they use dettol in every aspect of their life.

Oh and the symposium team is on the newspaper. Chinese one though. Shall post it soon. But not now. Roar.

Another thing is, i'm doomed.
And its not like i can study till six am like that dude. I doze off at even before twelve! Ugh.
And i have hardly met up with my friends this holiday.

At 17 going 18, i'm such a happy girl, not.

At least mel is coming back with a luggage stuffed with clothes that i can drown myself in. Hah.

But i'm still not that happy a girl at the supposed best time of a lifetime. Roar.

2009-06-20T14:26:00.000+08:00

i want noboby, nobody but you.
<3!

2009-06-12T22:54:00.001+08:00

and it hurts.

2009-06-11T22:50:00.001+08:00

whats worth the prize is worth the fight.

2009-06-09T07:08:00.000+08:00

its like fighting a losing battle. I dont want to go on anymore.

work 7 days a week.

2009-06-07T01:35:00.002+08:00

i'm tired. I'm really fucking tired. Fuck revision. Fuck exams. Fuck school. I've not achieved anything the past week. And i'm fucking tired. Exhausted.

Take a knife and stab me please.

2009-06-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

im sure you'll find something you love =)
http://dressability.livejournal.com/3048.html#cutid1

Leonardo dreams of his flying machine.

2009-06-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

How can anyone give this a miss.

feign ignorance

2009-05-31T23:28:00.000+08:00

will you ever get out of my life you little prick.

2009-05-30T22:06:00.002+08:00

Mr Jones, <3.

2009-05-29T22:21:00.003+08:00

i wish i have the answers to the questions in my head.
Apart from that,

I've lost sight of the road ahead of me. I seem to know what i want but at the same time i dont. One moment ago i was thinking that i'm going to fight a war. I was planning my strategy, i was motivated. I considered my sacrifices, i thought of who my comrades are. Who are those fighting this war with me. My family, mr jones, friends esp people like sherilyn, teachers. I looked through my resources. What do i have. My room is my tent, the exam halls are the battlefields i need to conquer. All the ammunition is on the table and in the cabinet waiting for me.

Sounds like i'm all ready for the battle starting from today till november. But. My head is bursting. Pressure's mounting. I lose focus. I'm exhausted. Those voices talking to me, they are about to take control.

I cant let senseless stuff affect me. I have to prioritize. I need to act. Fast.

But how.

Its not that i've decisions to make on what to do. Its been settled. I need to tell myself how to do it. What to rid from my mind, what to retain and how.
No doubt i'm wasting every minute as i type this through my e51 but i feel the need to let it out. Talk it out with myself before proceeding. As i talk to myself, i figure out whats wrong. Whats causing my sweaty palms now and the extreme discomfort of my body that feels like a fire burning within me despite hiding here with the ac at 20 degrees. Within, it feels like a fire. Like the scene from that nicholas cage show. I know whats wrong. I need to correct it.

Maybe i should go back to meditation for awhile.

Where are qualities when i need them the most. Where's the resilient.

the road we have walk is winding

2009-05-28T08:57:00.002+08:00

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesnt mean leaning and comapny doesnt mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses arent contracts and presents arent promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child.

-

I wonder how, i wonder why, yesterday you told me about the blue blue sky but all that i can see is just a yellow lemon tree...

2009-05-26T10:41:00.000+08:00

milk flavoured hello panda.

what is stressed but desserts spelt backwards.

2009-05-26T00:53:00.002+08:00

Madelyn learnt the importance of a word today. It starts with a C and ends with an N.

Communication.

Its not the easiest word to spell on a handphone keypad or during a spelling bee. But it sure is one word that can be difficult to interpret, difficult to comprehend. It also is a word that breaks people apart or gel them together. Works both ways and sometimes it really is hard to utilize it as something to bring a person to a whole new level.

Whatever it is, how well accepted you are as a person has really got to do with how well you communicate with people. Not just bringing across ideas but emotions as well.

~~~

Haven had much time with mr jones except for bringing him an extra big packet of chicken rice that cost 9.70 last week plus eating our usual curry rice after tuition :) not to forget how we became couch potatoes watching princess diaries 2 before i struggled through 2 paragraphs of the 5 page long history essay. Not forgetting feeding joe honeystars while we savour the durian we ransacked from the fridge :) :) :)

~~~

Today is tuesday. hello world. I'm ready to face you.

and i conclude

2009-05-23T00:06:00.003+08:00

life is all about feeling good about ourselves.

Through different ways, different ideas. Be it to cheer yourself up with an ice cream or do something to make people happy so that you feel the same for yourself. Its all the same.

We just dont want wallow in misery. If giving up something is going to make others happy, then i suppose we feel good about ourselves for making someone else's day.

I'm very tired. And its a tough weekend ahead. Give me not 48hours in a day but just 24hour with 48hours worth of energy each day.

Nights.

2009-05-19T22:14:00.000+08:00

right now, i just want to get one thing done right.
i've failed enough.

don't forget

2009-05-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

the world is a bigger place than i thought. People are more complicated than how i first believed they appear to be.

i've been so myopic in my perception. My body language is all a mistake. Short attention is going to be the cause of my downfall. My failure to stay on track. Argh.

Teen angst.

WHERE IS MY MILO MCFLURRY.

2009-05-17T22:36:00.000+08:00

He had no money, no computers, no jets, no administrative assistants or staff; yet Jesus did what many of us fail to do. He kept his life on course.

why cant us even be close to that?

2009-05-17T13:53:00.001+08:00

your feelings and expression gave you away.

2009-05-15T23:42:00.001+08:00

its coming to a closure soon.

=)

2009-05-14T21:45:00.003+08:00

the Economics Symposium 09 is coming to a closure tomorrow and there's so much to say.
I'll not forget that moment when they announced AJ the winner. i may not be on stage with the 3 of my other teammates but i definitely shared that happiness with them. every single bit of it.
we went through quite a lot i must say and the prize is a form of recognition for the team in which our teachers played one of the biggest role.

thank you ms tan and mr toh. its been really an honour to learn from both of you and the lessons we have outside classroom is one that we 4 will remember. non academic related stuff left the deepest impression on me and i will remember every advice, every lesson taught through this experience.

no doubt there were times when we were down and facing obstacles but i believe they have been the contributing factor to the great satisfaction we have from this symposium.

it was all worthwhile, it really was.

thank you ms tan, mr toh. thank you sheng quan, joerh and jonathan. thanks my friends from 3308 for the support. thanks sherilyn for taking part in the audition with me and supporting me when i got through the audition. it wouldnt have been possible without you and the day at the umbrella area trying to prepare for the audition and going crazy with photobooth! (:
thanks mr jones for the sacrifices made during the preparation for the competition. the weekends burnt and the nights we couldnt talk for long esp when i got home late. thank you for the confidence and trust you put in me, always telling me i could do it.
thank you mom and dad for all the understanding. it was the support that though not spoken but felt.

this has got to be the best experience i have in AJ thus far. not the winning moment but from the moment me and sherilyn auditioned in Lt1 till the dinner at a fantastic japanese restaurant. great food, great amusement at someone's bad chinese aptitude and... just the great company.

from this symposium, it showed me the sincerity in teachers to develop their students. winning was never a large part of the objective. it was a bonus, for all of us.

2009-05-14T18:54:00.002+08:00

In our daily lives, have we been so sheltered that we have lost our courage to challenge ourselves? to go that extra mile?

sometimes, we dont need that cartoon hero in our lives to save us. Once in a while, we can be our own heroes and save ourselves.

what happened that day, i dont remember

2009-05-12T16:30:00.002+08:00

when a person tries hard enough but still does not succeed, does that mean he/she has not tried hard enough? how do you draw the fine line between the best that you can do and the eventual result?

survival of the fittest?
i wonder.

and meritocracy will ruin this world.

DRESSABILITY (:

2009-05-10T11:14:00.001+08:00

Collection 2 is up!
Collection features our first manufactured item, Alyssa's Little Black Dress & imported floral tunic and other pretty stuff! More pictures under the cut!
Feel free to email us at dressability@gmail.com for any enquiries or if you require more pictures :)

http://dressability.livejournal.com/

2009-05-10T01:35:00.002+08:00

i kept trying to form sentences and ideas in my mind as this page was loading. I know i've a strings and strings of words to write but i just don't know what they exactly are,

Had a funny thought in my head today when the three sisters went for dinner. Me and mr jones basically sat there and watch them eat the crabs cause we were exploding from the 25bucks worth of burger king. It was insane. But whats new when we're two really hungry people who both only had one meal the entire day. Anyways, the thing is, i figured out that if i ever ever ever have kids, which is unlikely, i wont want a daughter. Not that i'm showing gender discrimination here but its just that, i think i will fail to bring her up. I will want to shelter her from everything and its likely going to ruin her. Maybe its because girls will more than often be on the losing end.

As they say, its better to be the predator than the prey. Really? I don't know.

I brood over things. Over and over again. Thats a weakness of mine. I bring them up at the slip of my tongue and i indirectly inflict pain. Only to feel bad when its too late. Some may not feel it but i believe sensitive people would. Its not that being sensitive is something to be ashamed of. Ignorant isn't that fantastic either right?

I argue alot. I talk about things i don't have often. I question too much. Will i ever stop? When can i really start to focus on what i have. When can i come to a compromise easily. When will i stop my childish behaviour?

Maybe its when i no longer talk about them.

Why do we study the angle the world rotates along its axis when we'll never see it for ourselves? Why do we study historical figures when we'll never get to meet them? Why do we learn calculus when we wont need them anymore in the future? Why work so hard knowing everything you do can just be lost in a second?

Aliyah was an extremely talented singer. She died in a plane crash when we were around 11? I think i rather the world get rid of me than sacrifice such a talent. Go look for the song Let Me Know. Maybe you'll appreciate more if you bother to look for it yourself.

On a lighter note, several ps members won the nj competition. We took home the overall school trophy too. It feels great. But nothing like being at competition where you hear the results live. Our achievement wont be recognized like the sports or performing arts but then again, whats the purpose at the end of the day really? To feel a sense of achievement? Self realization? Not pointing any fingers here. Just a general take on things here.

Maybe its cause i've left the band scene for so long and i haven sung since i was p6. I don't remember all the politics there was or the hardwork in everything and so i've become so skeptic. Become so shallow in my thoughts.

Lalala. Time for bed. My eyes are heavy as lead.

Oh yes, happy birthday alice :) hope you love the present we decided to get for you.

Mr jones, thank you for everything that you do. Not just today. But what you did yesterday. What you did the day before. What you will do tomorrow. What you will do as you continue to make me feel special. I know i prioritize my work and all now. Its not good to feel second to something but baby i hope you'll understand its just for now. Its temporary. 先苦后甜。tml you have duty. Its not the best day to do so but baby i'm really proud of you for not even complaining and just accept what has been assigned to you. Its not easy when its mother's day, a sunday and right in the middle of a long weekend. Dearest, got to get through it okay. i love you.

And mom, happy mother's day. I love you too of course. Cause there's only one person in this world i'll ever call my mom.

2009-05-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

i have a set of pink foolscape! YAY.

rumours

2009-05-06T21:33:00.000+08:00

your encouragement is it really important to me baby.

Its either you fly high, or you don't fly at all.

Those fishmongers, eeew.

meddle

2009-05-05T23:38:00.002+08:00

Madelyn loves supermarkets. She loves to walk down the aisles, scanning through all the different stuff they have on the shelves and picking out some to just take a closer look.

the weekend was great spending time with mr jones at different malls and catching the movie taken on sunday. somehow it still sends chills down my spine to know how the real world is like out there. to know that such horrors exist, it really makes me question the amount of things that we are doing at individual level. not forgetting, the purpose of all that we do and how much of it really is what the world really needs.

whatever it is, the world is so Big. sometimes i hate everything that has made this world seem to have shrunk. it makes me feel like my view is so myopic. im losing senses.

thanks baby for the orange (fav colour!) hoodie that came as a surprise over the weekend (:
really comfy and warm esp when it gets real cooling in the night. love it to bits and of course, love you deep deep =p

Especially for you
I wanna let you know what I was going through
All the time we were apart
I thought of you
You were in my heart
My love never changed
I still feel the same

Especially for you
I wanna tell you I was feeling that way too
And if dreams were wings, you know
I would have flown to you
To be where you are
No matter how far
And now that I'm next to you

No more dreaming about tomorrow
Forget the loneliness and the sorrow
I've got to say
It's all because of you

basketball

2009-04-30T22:56:00.000+08:00

i dont like to exit from the entrances i walk in from.

with humble hearts we seek Your ways

2009-04-29T21:54:00.001+08:00

We believe in faith
Your promises you never break
Turn from wicked ways
To live as Christ for all our days

Mr jones is booking out tomorrow! -jumps for joy-
its been a really tough week for him in camp and i just hope this slightly longer weekend will allow him to have a good rest (:
and we havent watch Taken!
miss you to bits, loverboy!

that pain at the side of my waist is irritating me. argh.

how do you judge?

2009-04-26T21:40:00.000+08:00

and tell me there's nothing wrong with being anxious...

lost for words

2009-04-24T22:52:00.002+08:00

Jeremiah 29:11 of the Bible, "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/index.php

what an experience!

2009-04-22T20:50:00.002+08:00

starting from the audition with sherilyn till the preliminary rounds today, i can only say, what an experience! really feels contented and satisfied with how far we've come. of course, this would be nothing but empty talk if not for sherilyn's willingness to join as well *HUGS*

thanks to the great team who worked hours with endless research and weekends in school! the wait at macdonalds for the grand arrival of you-know-who who didnt turn up, the session over at my place with awesome soup and 4 people trying so hard to extract whatever they can from the net to form that 10 page long script that was eventually shortened to 10minutes, the hours working in the staffroom area over the weekend plus all the junk food and an expired chocolate bar from aji. not forgetting rehearsals and more rehearsals the past 2 days which just suddenly seem to have zoomed past.

then come today, camping ourselves in lt 3 where teachers just came in groups to watch the presentation and critic and of course, lunch at the wonderful aj canteen before setting off in a car that could barely fit us. one which had not gotten a carwash for eons and one that has jaychou music (oh my god) plus one that makes me feel so tall cause my head crashed into the ceiling Twice. but it was all fun.

final moments before presentation were so relaxed and hilarious while jonathan searched through tt's wallet which had hamster like photographs on driving licenses and I/C. lol. not forgetting to mention joerh who got bullied and whacked countless times today while she sat in the front seat.

presentation was safe as how they would put it but it was a great show that we really enjoyed. no pressure (: thanks to the spokesperson from MTI, economist and of course our host of The World and Us.

saw so many familiar faces in vj and of course, Jin Kai the maestro!
some Macau Cafe in marine parade to just chill and a flick in the head (argh). deep fried porkchop rice with curry sauce which really was good! the porkchop esp! :D
should have recorded down how the food ordering took place. -evil laughter-

discussion and more random little talks before going to eunos mrt. why not amk? roar.
but anyways, camwhore-d on the train back from there to outram while shengquan went all the way to cck. so is E on the fuel indicator in the car Empty or Enough? and is F Finish for Full? LOL.

plus, the highlight of the day,

'hot or cold?'
'its ice blended'

-laughter from the wonderful, mature and highly intellectual econs symposium 2009 team-

hope we get into the finals but right now, im just really so glad im in this team together.
thanks for the support when i needed it guys! and the encouragement from one another plus the awesome time we had together! love you 3 wonderful peeps!

SHENGQUAN,JOERH & JONATHAN! <3!!

no regrets and again,
what an experience.

~

somewhat, maddy's head is filled with plenty of thoughts today.
she realizes how myopic her vision has been.
its a Big world out there, even in a little nation called SingApore.

2009-04-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

it was more than a peccadillo on my part.
im sorry.

2009-04-19T21:53:00.001+08:00

Dearest Mr Jones,

Cant wait to hear you become a Sergeant :D Hopefully it really will come true and after all this time, there's something i've been waiting to tell you.

Thank you for taking such good care of me.
I love you deep deep! <3!

2009-04-19T20:21:00.002+08:00

Beethoven Symphony No. 7

ecos symposium and more econs symposium.
attempts to bake a brownie was a failure but its okay, i kinda like eating though its bits and pieces everywhere. mr jones and i went raffles city :D:D
awesome dinner though its no buffet =( sorry baby.
but i had a great weekend still (((((((((((((((((:
love you to bits! <3!

nothing wrong with my hormones. im just a imbalanced kid. lol. more weird medicine. ugh.
and madelyn did not do any work this weekend. sigh. screw the sleep and the ES.
i want to watch president's command performance! :(

2009-04-18T00:37:00.000+08:00

EXHAUSTED and MISSING MR JONES is not a good combination.

facedown

2009-04-16T22:57:00.004+08:00

is it me or what. I feel utterly upset when i watch mr bean. Be it the animated version or the real comedy its suppose to be. Maybe cause its known that he in real life suffers from depression. Or maybe cause its really disturbing to see how pathetic he has to make himself seem in the show. Oh well.

And i want to question vc for what she did to my hairends.

Mr jones is still at fieldcamp. Its tormenting though it does mean a little more focus at work after school. But still. Imagine when he's away in aussie in later part of the year. I don't even want to think about it. Ahhhhhhhh...

I miss you like crazy dearest. You got to come back soon okay :) ladyrain promise not to make you mad again. *grins*

Appeared for my chocolate craving just now with so much chocolate in front of the tv. I've got a new idea to eat chocolate too :)

Take a tablespoon and scope a whole lot of nutella chocolate. Hold it with the left hand while your right one dips into a sea of cornflakes. Just scope nutella with the cornflakes and dunk it into your mouth. Repeat till satisfied :)

ashira

2009-04-15T21:31:00.001+08:00

i washed my hair and after 2minutes totally forgot about it and did it again.
its good to be too tired to like your mind wander.
chocolate craving
got over pw grade
zombified
fingers so cold they turn blue
buffet dinner
ribena in school is the way to go
symposium preliminary next week!
6 packets of marks&spencer chips from ms tan gobbled down by the team
blood test (again) review
mr mathias heng pictures from middle east and all over the world.
2 dreams that serve as memory
painful leg, as usual
A-shir-ra la-do-nai ki ga-oh ga-oh
(I will sing to the Lord for he has triumphed gloriously)
A-shir-ra la-do-nai ki ga-oh ga-oh
(I will sing to the Lord for he has triumphed gloriously)
Mi-cha-mo-cha ba-elim adonai
(Who is like You, oh Lord, among the celestial)
Mi-ka-mo-cha ne-dar-ba-ko-desh
(Who is like You, majestic in holiness)
Na-chi-tah v'-chas-d'-cha am zu ga-al-ta
(In Your Love, You lead the people You redeemed)
Na-chi-tah v'-chas-d'-cha am zu ga-al-ta
(In Your Love, You lead the people You redeemed)
A-shi-ra, a-shi-ra, A-shi-ra.......

random facts that i want to pen down.
and baby is still at fieldcamp. going through alot of rubbish i believe and hope he will add oil! come home soon okay dearest! <3!

apart from that, im the ladyrain who has been so caught up in school my eyebrows are joining together as one! and sinli seems to be highly amused by it!

lifeskills

2009-04-14T00:07:00.002+08:00

i conclude, there's really too much information in cyberspace. im just about to implode.

2009-04-12T23:16:00.000+08:00

and i've been taking all the love you've given for granted. Sorry mr jones.

just keep me where the light is

2009-04-12T19:21:00.002+08:00

Gravity is working against me
And gravity wants to bring me down

Whoa I'll never know
What makes this man
With all the love
That his heart can stand
Dream of ways to throw it all away.

~

blood test hurt pretty bad. dont know what was wrong with dr loke today. but still, get it done and over with. blah.
thursday night was curry nice and the exploration where we found the cavern and some prawning place just behind surin avenue. friday started with a quick lunch at heartland mall before meeting the symposium group where we eventually went brain dead. met mr jones for awhile before he headed for dinner while i met mouse to go clarke quay for her birthday. tcc plus last minute shopping. tried to crash a few places before calling mr jones down to our rescue at the canary x) 2am curry rice supper before heading homeee. saturdayyyyyy. tuition for a good 2 hours before going to meet dearest for dinner. carls junior = salsa and more weird iced tea =)

its been a pretty nasty sunday with the prissy brat throwing a tantrum around. shant elaborate.
but thank you dearest for standing by me. love you to bits baby.
he's going to be away for fieldcamp the next 5 days. no calls no text messages.
hang in there with me okay sweetheart. buffet when you come back alright!

We're fighting this war
Baby when both of us are losing
This ain't the way that love is supposed to go

We can fuss and we can fight
Long as everything's all right between us
Before we go to sleep
Baby, we're gonna be happy, oh

startled

2009-04-12T14:53:00.003+08:00

the 18 year old mouse! hope you had a blast though we didnt manage to get in rebel/attica/areana/ forbidden city/helipad or anything at all!
but still, you have to learn to wear and walk with heels okay, bff! <3!>

the one who was mad at me, but not for long! :D

2009-04-10T09:39:00.003+08:00

i'm find myself really childish having wrote what i wrote in the previous post. as much as i really am upset over the results of aj as a whole and myself, there's surely something i gained from both experiences. whatever it is, as for now, i'm standing up strong. and i say it again, as for now.

past few weeks/months have been like a ride with endless turbulence. they say its one of a million chance that the plane will crash because of turbulence but then, the probability is still always there right.

another blood test coming up real soon. more pills more needles more tests to be run. i think im getting used to it.
but then again, what difference does it make.

its 9.47am. im not awake yet.

today is Good Friday.

2009-04-09T15:27:00.001+08:00

i'm so hoping a parent would write in to the newspaper.
-sigh-

tell me i can handle this.

All I've got to give to you

2009-04-08T22:00:00.000+08:00

It's hard for me to say the things
I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words tonight

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

-Thank you for loving me, Bon Jovi

2009-04-08T00:13:00.002+08:00

I just lost my painstakingly typed post. Ugh. Roar. Btw.
Thats mr jones refusing to look into my camera but rather watch tt mobile. Bleah!
I still love you all the same baby :)

2009-04-07T21:33:00.001+08:00

I'm six feet from the edge.

2009-04-07T17:42:00.001+08:00

and when did they ever say it was gonna be easy?

ernest, lunch soon?

:D

2009-04-06T21:55:00.001+08:00

DRESSABILITY.LIVEJOURNAL.COM

2009-04-02T20:47:00.000+08:00

what happens, when two stars collide?

early morning

2009-04-01T22:34:00.001+08:00

I will not give up.
They say A level's is nothing. Im gonna tell you its everything to me right now.
I want nothing less than whats been set out to get.

-

Timomo got shortlisted for SMU Law! WOW. All the best for the interview on monday! :D
You'll do great i know! :D

-

its been a very hectic monday and tuesday.
let me rest this mid week please.

oh and i just want to say, im gonna watch it fall apart. trust me on this.

2009-03-29T16:25:00.003+08:00

lightning and instant beehoon really dont go well together. neither does thunder with econs symposium. but one thing does with everything.

Nutella & Strawberries.
its a complete Indulgence.
throw me on an island with those two together, i can live longer than i do in school.
but i've ran out of both! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

oh and i've got a new favourite cartoon apart from blue's clue, totally spies and tom&jerry show.
its called. LITTLE EINSTEINS.
go check it out if you want to! PLAYHOUSE DISNEY IS LOVE.

but i cried my eyes out watching the hk drama 最美麗的第七天.
3 episodes back to back. gosh. ahhhhh.

thats madelyn for you.

2009-03-28T16:13:00.001+08:00

Here is the analysis:

You've got great self-confidence and you're full of charm. Most guys who get to know you will be attracted to you. You are far from sweet and proper; your intriguing personality fascinates them. Most guys find it easy to fall for a girl like you.

You really care about other people's feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.

You strictly follow rules, and you expect other people to be the same as well. People can get tired of you easily, as you can make them feel a little guilty about themselves. You always make decisions on your own, and can be dismissive of other people's advice. You like to be the leader in groups, but can forget to be concerned about the people you are with.

Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?

Your boyfriend thinks that you are a real doll but this is not a totally positive thing. Sometimes you can be a bit too sweet, and come across as being helpless. If you're like this too frequently, your boyfriend and other people are likely to get tired of you having to rely on them all the time.

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Pink!

2009-03-27T22:10:00.003+08:00

Me, the pink princess of all times :D

~

Eyes are shutting already but i hear my stomach making alot of noise, trying to convince me to get it some food apart from the raspberry frap<3! and strawberry milk+tutukueh today.
too bad for you stomach! who asked you to refuse the peanut butter jam sandwich mom made.
-regrets-

anyways
ORLG plus the last day of Festival of Life workshop. Elearning day has not made any difference except more work and even more complaints. I think, we should have revision days off once every 2 weeks or something. i hope someone hear my plea but due to time lag and all the need for consideration and evaluation, when its put in place, i should in the workforce already lol.

Snapping pictures around the place and talking non stop all day plus 2 hours of math tuition is enough to drain all of the little energy i conserved from yesterday night after barely 5+ hours of sleep. oh well. hang in there mad!

my leg hurts. real bad. not acute pain but just that swelling, numbing and tight feeling on the muscle. ugh.oh well.

mr jones was running a fever. pretty high one but he is fine now with some really good medicine and of course, my TLC :)
cant wait to see him cause i miss him like crazy after several squabbles throughout the week. =/

~

and i want my pink princess status back. i miss childish times which will be gone real soon as the physical age rises. oh well.

time for supperrrrrrrr.
nights world!

2009-03-26T21:24:00.004+08:00

Its been a not so productive day but im not going to let it end like that.

Math Complex 2
~~Econs Presentation~~
~~Geog Hurricane activity bk~~
Econs Essay Plan
Geog Atmosphere: Hurricane
Geog Atmosphere: Urban Microclimate
Geog Atmosphere: Global Warming
Geog Atmosphere: Climate Change
History Revision
GP worksheet: to do or not to do?
Math: Mathematical Induction
Econs Revision: Unempolyment
Attempts at Revision Wkst
Revise Vectors (HAHA)

~~Econs Essay~~
~~History Fundamentalism~~
~~Math Complex 1~~
~~Presentation for Econs Synoposium~~
~~GP AQ hmk~~
~~GP Comprehension~~
~~Probability Tutorial~~
~~Geography Notes to read~~
~~Summary on Impacts~~
~~Write on Global Climate Change Impacts~~
~~AJPS Camp~~
~~Prepare for FOL workshop (countless days)~~
Suggestion Evaluation and Preparation of documents (many nights)
~~Exhibition preparation (2 days)~~
~~Math Lecture~~
~~Tuition~~
~~history tutorial~~
~~6 newspaper articles~~

Suicide.

Go Madelyn!